Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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