I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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