I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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