It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
