i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
