i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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