I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
