Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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