no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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