I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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