Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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