I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the condom got lost in my hair
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
