I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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