never play flip cup with pint glasses
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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