shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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