Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
