Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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