Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
