my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you told grandpa to call you daddy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Randomize
