Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
