I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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