the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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