Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
