definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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