so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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