There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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