I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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