I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
