i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
