Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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