my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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