Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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