please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
