Are we in a gay sports bar?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
