Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
