Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
