But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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