Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
