My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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