I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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