Don't you send me to vm
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She bit a glass in half.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
