Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
