he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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