This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
