then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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