dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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