I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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