He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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