Someone shit on the floor
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
