Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
