why didn't you poke me back
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
